Information Center of the Consulate General's Office in Chicago hosts this highly selective Japanese Speech Contest every spring. Students of Japanese from elementary school age to adults are eligible to compete, if they are not Japanese nationals, do not use Japanese in their daily lives, and have only lived in Japan for less than two years. Second prize of the contest is the Osaka Sister City Award which allows the winner to travel to Osaka and stay with a family for three weeks.
This year on March 6th, Ms. Tanya Zolotareva was selected through her speech presentation to receive the Chicago Sister City Osaka Award. She is a student at the Chicago University.
Please enjoy Ms. Tanya Zolotareva's English translation of her Japanese speech.
A Vague Rebellion: My Awakening as an Artist
Tanya Zolotareva
A world without art, music, or literature―can you imagine such a world? What kind of a world do you suppose it would be? As an artist, in such a world, I personally think I would lose my reason to live.
Working hard in high school, the world of art seemed like a mysterious thing to me. Not having yet truly treaded that territory, I thought of it as the opposite of the academic world of science and math, at the core of which are logic and precision. The world of art was a world into which I wanted to plunge wholly, so much that I could not restrain myself. Art seemed to me like a bottomless lake; just thinking about that, my heart felt refreshed and my feelings were pulled in its direction.
Whenever things did not go well in my high school art classes, I would despair that I had no talent for art, but despite that, I always returened to art. While on the one hand, I really liked art and felt that I could not give it up, occasionally I also pessimistically thought that art was just something I did as nothing more than a hobby. Recalling those times now, I get the impression that I was entangled in a never ceasing struggle in relation to art. I continued to work hard in school, but without thinking deeply about the future, I continued to wander around in circles like a lost child who does not know her own path in life. By the time I thought seriously about college, my aspirations to become an artist had faded, both because of my father’s criticism and under the pressures of pragmatism. I respected illustrators and manga artists, but within me, doubt about and dissatisfaction with my own style and skill were growing. My confidence and my hopes with respect to art, at this time, I think had truly reached the very bottom.
The chance to crawl out of that abyss came to me in my third and fourth years of college. As I broadened my knowledge of art history and learned about other artists, even though I had lost sight of my purpose in life, I felt the desire to live as an artist by polishing my own style flare up more strongly than ever before.
However, although I may talk of my own style, until that point, I had been following the styles of artists I respected. At the same time, I realized that it was impossible to completely escape from such influence. It was then that my way of thinking greatly changed. I came to think that, in this constantly changing world, as a part of this society, it is natural to take in various influences, and in fact, that I must cultivate my spirit as an artist while drawing inspiration from a variety of sources.
When I ask myself what kind of art I would like to produce from now on, no clear answer comes to me still; however, the vague silence that was there before no longer reverberates within my heart, and the limitless futile quietude has disappeared also. Set to graduate this June, I feel like I have grasped the true importance and significance of art. Even if my art is not “high art,” even if there is no possibility of it ever being displayed in a museum, it is an indispensable part of me, and as my purpose in life, will accompany me as long as I am alive.
What do I draw for? Self-expression? Catharsis? Certainly, it is not for money. Nor is it just a simple hobby. I do not wish to be misunderstood as selfish, but after all, I draw for myself, for my own sake. However, even if I do not specifically draw to communicate myself, it does not mean that the entire effort is futile. The reason why is that, through neither completely realistic nor abstract depiction of the human form, I want to express my own worldview while relieving my feelings of unease and emptiness. Kindness and cruelty, beauty and ugliness, strength and weakness, faith and doubt, life and death—I am trying to address the co-existence of such contrasting elements in the world as well grapple with such themes as societal problems and the chaos of the human condition. Of course, I will occasionally forgive drawing illustrations with no special meaning, too.
My pictures, not always inscribed with a clear meaning, may be interpreted by the viewer in any manner. Right now, the truly important thing to me is my newfound determination to pursue this previously unthinkable path. Of course I am well aware that the vague words “somehow, it will be okay” are the kindest guarantee of success.
Related link: Tanya Zolotareva's Speech in Japanese